Be Kind
“We don’t lock our doors. You never know what form the Creator will take and we want to make sure they feel welcome when they come to our door.”
—Tesuque Elder
My community is grieving. Sunday evening June 6, 2021, a 20-year-old white man driving a pickup truck jumped the curb and careened into a Muslim family out for an evening walk, killing the father, mother, daughter, and grandmother. Their 9-year-old orphaned son remains in hospital. Headlines of terrorist attacks are familiar news in the media. I never imagined it could happen in my neighbourhood, within walking distance of my home. Members of my community were murdered by a member of my community. Why? Because of hate? Because of fear? Because of alienation? Because of unresolved trauma?
The murdered family members were the same age as my children and grandchildren. The fifteen-year-old daughter went to our local high school. Her friends and teachers described her as fun, kind and talented. That’s how I describe my 15-year-old granddaughter. After the attack I talked to a Muslim friend who has three young children. I asked whether she felt safe on the street. She said she does… most of the time. Another Muslim friend, new to Canada, told me there are “haters” where she works. She does not feel safe… most of the time.
Once our safety is threatened, it is difficult to rebuild trust. Hate inflicts deep wounds. What helps to restore a sense of security is empathic listening, kindness, and respect. These are skills we can learn and practice with intention. Every time there is another verbal or physical assault, the chance of rebuilding trust becomes more tenuous.
“Where there is hatred let me show love.”
—St Francis of Assisi
My heart aches. The reality of the hatred and suffering in my city is hard to digest. Conversations with friends from diverse backgrounds this past week left me feeling upset, guilty, frustrated, and helpless.
When I am in a difficult, stuck place, I look to wise teachers to help shift my mindset. Desmond Tutu has the extraordinary ability to bear witness to humanity’s darkest evil and still see the positive side of humanity. This past week I found comfort and hope in Krista Tippet’s “A God of Surprises” 2010 interview of Desmond Tutu. I recommend it highly.
Today all I have to offer is this – be kind. Every day we have another opportunity to heal ourselves, each other and the earth. It is simple – choose kindness, choose respect, choose compassion. Say hello to strangers. Smile, it is contagious. Reach out to those who come from a different cultural background than you. Pick up litter, plant a tree, make beauty. Say hello. Say thank you. Do this for others, include yourself. You don’t have to be right or perfect. Ask yourself what feels like the kindest thing to do and go from there. If you mess up, say you are sorry. Own your mistake, ask for forgiveness. Begin again with kindness.
My friend Sana Fayyaz, author of Chai Chats : Personal Essays to Fill your Cup, inspired my post this week in her weekly newsletter The Friday Five Hundred. Sana believes “Our differences make us beautiful, but the underlying emotions we face as humans is the connecting force for us all. In this increasingly divisive world, I like to call upon the power of personal stories and the generous act of sharing to bind us all.”
Please keep the late Afzaal family in your thoughts and prayers. If you feel inclined you can donate to their Go Fund Me Page here.